You can’t sleep at night because you’re thinking about the things you should have done differently.
In the morning, you wake up already feeling behind for the day.
You worry that others will think you’re not good enough.
Procrastination is your “friend”, especially on the tough tasks or projects you’ve been dreading.
You do your work multiple times because it isn’t quite right.
In fact, you know you are dealing with perfectionism.
Does this sound like you? Perhaps it’s spot on for a friend or family member? Even a boss or coworker! Yes, there are so many perfectionists out there. You are NOT alone. There is nothing wrong with you. There is, however, hope to be free from these feelings and beliefs that are ultimately holding you back.
What do you mean? Is my perfectionism actually holding me back?
Yes. Yes, it is. Let me not mince words here. Perfectionism sounds pretty. Like a badge of honor for us overachievers. In fact, you may have even used that kind of line in a job interview: “Well, I might be a little TOO organized. I always make sure to double-check my work because I’m a bit of a perfectionist.” (#Humblebrag, right? I see you, girl!) Of course, I’m not saying that being thorough is a bad thing. But, when you get stuck in a cycle of perfectionism, you might end up self-sabotaging. You may also struggle with good sleep hygiene, or even become wrapped up in imposter syndrome. These are all topics I happen to specialize in helping Florida women like you work through.
I love how Elizabeth Gilbert sums up perfectionism in her book, “Big Magic”:
“We don’t have time for perfect. In any event, perfectionism is unachievable. It’s a myth and a trap and a hamster wheel that will run you to death. Perfectionism stops people from completing their work, yes – but even worse, it often stops people from beginning their work. Perfectionists often decide in advance that the end product is never going to be satisfactory, so they don’t even bother trying to be creative in the first place.
Perfectionism is a particularly evil lure for women, who, I believe, hold themselves to an even higher standard of performance than do men. I think perfectionism is just fear in fancy shoes and a mink coat, pretending to be elegant when actually it’s just terrified.” — Elizabeth Gilbert, Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear
Gosh. That’s just so spot-on, right? How often do we let our fears hold us back from pursuing our true potential? Fear is meant to protect us. But, our primal brains don’t always understand the difference between anxiety and excitement. In fact, they feel the same in our bodies. So, let’s go through some of the main ways perfectionism plays out in the clients I see. Because I specialize in working with high-achieving women, there are some pretty clear hallmarks of perfectionists.
Common Signs of Perfectionism and Perfectionist Tendencies:
- all or nothing mindset/success or failure
- difficulty trusting people/delegating/letting go of control
- fear of trying new things
- fear of making decisions/make a mistake
- you are a control freak
- compare yourself to others
A note for my anxious, high-achievers with anxiety:
“Perfectionism is not the same thing as striving to be your best. Perfectionism is the belief that if we live perfect, look perfect, and act perfect we can minimize or avoid the pain of blame, judgment, and shame. It’s a shield. It’s a twenty-ton shield that we lug around thinking it will protect us when in fact it’s the thing that’s really preventing us from taking flight.” —Brene Brown
Do those hit a little too close to home? There is hope. Perfectionists can get incredible things done! Now that you know what to look for, you can notice the patterns in yourself and take action. Get an accountability partner or coach to help! Of course, I would love to help you too.
Begin Counseling for Women in Miramar, FL or Start Online Therapy in Florida
If you want more support with healthy habits to support your mental and physical wellbeing, I would love to talk with you! As a therapist in Broward County, Florida, I specialize in working with high-achieving women who deal with anxiety, imposter syndrome, and so much more. Let’s get started, wherever you are in the state, with online therapy in Florida. All you have to do is follow these three steps:
Contact Counseling Solutions of Boward to schedule your free 20-minute consultation on a video platform,
Get to know me, Enid, your professional online counselor
Start living your best life with more rest and rejuvenation
Other Therapy Services Offered at Counseling Solutions of Broward:
In addition to providing online therapy in Florida, including codependency treatment for women, Enid De Jesus offers a variety of mental health services at her counseling clinic in Broward County, FL. Her goal is to create lasting transformative change and growth in your life. So, she offers anxiety treatment, depression treatment, counseling for imposter syndrome, after divorce counseling, and relationship counseling for one. For more information on counseling, please check out her what to expect page or contact her counseling office.