Self. Sabotage. Why do we do it?
What makes something you want to do well go poorly, even though you have the skill and means to succeed?
How do we know when it’s just “the way it goes” vs. actual self-sabotage?
So many clients and friends talk about self-sabotage, but do we even understand what all of this means? I’m not sure I’ll be able to answer ALL of those time-tested questions in this one post. In fact, the answers are often so personal that it requires time and dedicated professional attention to get a full, honest answer for yourself. But, what I hope to give you is a few signs to know if what you’re doing to yourself is, in fact, self-sabotaging.
Why do we self-sabotage?
Of course, there are a million reasons. But, often, I see it happen because it feels safer. “But, Enid, that doesn’t even make sense! How is failure safer than success?” Well, that’s just the thing.
It’s not viewed as a failure in the same way when we artfully self-sabotage.
We explain it away and decide “now just isn’t the right time”, or “that wouldn’t have worked out anyway.” Instead, what we’ve done is allowed ourselves to stay safe. Safe in the bubble of the “known” instead of venturing into the unknown. (Where are my Frozen fans? You’re welcome.)
Self-sabotage often happens because of prior experiences. Failures in school. Disappointments at work. Problems with relationships. Family drama. All of these memories can hold us back, especially if we help them, and keep us from trying again in a new and exciting way. When this happens after or as a result of trauma, the layers are more complex. Maureen Brady writes about this beautifully in her book:
“Sometimes we self-sabotage just when things seem to be going smoothly. Perhaps this is a way to express our fear about whether it is okay for us to have a better life. We are bound to feel anxious as we leave behind old notions of our unworthiness. The challenge is not to be fearless, but to develop strategies of acknowledging our fears and finding out how we can allay them.”
So, regardless of why you end up self-sabotaging, know that you are not alone. It’s a common way of coping. But, it’s not inevitable! I believe that when you know better, you do better. So, let’s give you some things to look for in yourself to help raise a red flag about when the self-sabotaging starts.
Self-Sabotage: Take a moment and think about it…
First, I want you to take a minute to really think about why you searched for “self-sabotaging” in the first place. What’s on your mind? What do you think is holding you back? If you’re being truly honest about it, deep in your gut, what are your go-to moves to avoid leveling-up in your life? What do you say to yourself? To others? Now, see if any of these sound familiar.
9 Signs You Are Self-Sabotaging Your Life and Hindering Your Personal Happiness:
- Expecting certain situations in life to not work out or fail
- Difficulty giving yourself credit for your successes
- Comparing yourself to others
- Giving up quickly
- Always coming up with excuses
- Not feeling worthy, deep down
- Never thinking you are ready
- Letting perfectionism keep you from finishing, publishing, sending, or creating
- Fixating on where you “should” be at this point in your life
If anything on this list sounds familiar, strikes a chord with you, or even piques your interest, we should talk. I’d love to help you, wherever you are in Florida, discover the best ways to keep yourself on track. You are worthy of success. Let’s stop self-sabotaging!
Begin Therapy for Women in Miramar, FL or Start Online Therapy in Florida
If you are looking for a therapist who specializes in helping women, look no further. Enid is here to support your mental health journey. To begin therapy for women in Broward County in-person or for online therapy in Florida, follow these three steps:
Contact Counseling Solutions of Boward to schedule your free 20-minute consultation on a video platform,
Meet with Enid and get to know her!
Feel better about your choices and step into your greatness!
Other Therapy Services Offered at Counseling Solutions of Broward:
In addition to providing counseling for self-confidence for women in Florida, Enid De Jesus offers a variety of mental health services at her counseling clinic in Broward County, FL. Her goal is to create lasting transformative change and growth in your life. So, she offers anxiety treatment, depression treatment, counseling for imposter syndrome, after divorce counseling, relationship counseling for one, and co-dependency treatment. For more information on counseling, please check out her what to expect page or contact her counseling office.