What Your Recently Divorced Friend Wishes You Knew

I work with women all over Florida who are dealing with divorce. Or, a significant breakup. These women are strong. Capable. Professional. Successful. And, hurting. Divorce recovery counseling is a big deal. It’s a long, often painful process. In therapy, we are working through grief, loss, betrayal, guilt, shame, blame, confidence, boundaries, trauma, anxiety, depression, relationship beliefs and so much more.

There are so many things that come up in these sessions. And, no two people’s experiences are the same. But, we all need to lean on our friends and family during times of pain and transition. So, we’re going to talk today about some of the things you may not already know about recovering from divorce. Or, you may “know” but need to hear it from the perspective of a recently divorced person. If you’re looking for how to help support a friend, this should give you a starting point. Get a sense of how they could be feeling. Then, sit and truly ask how they are doing. Really listen to the answer. You may be surprised by it.

Honest Thoughts From Divorced Women

As a therapist, I don’t share what people tell me in sessions. But, I know this is a topic a lot of you are curious about! So, in order to get some good information, I asked friends to help. Some of these are direct quotes, some have been paraphrased a little. But, they are all from divorced women who have something to share with you. Again, my hope is that you can take something useful from this. Either for you or for a friend. Maybe you are recently divorced and not sure if what you are feeling is “normal”. Maybe, you just need a way to help communicate some of this to your friends or family. Of course, if you want to do more in-depth therapy for divorce recovery, I’m here to help with online therapy in Florida. No matter what you are needing right now or why; I hope this is helpful.

What would you like to say to someone asking you about your divorce?

“That it absolutely sucks and you feel as if your entire life has been turned upside down and inside out???”

“Don’t tell me, “Good for you!”

“So many people told me this who assumed the divorce was something I wanted. I didn’t. This made me feel terrible. And even if it had been my choice I don’t think I’d want to hear this either. It suggests that my spouse was all bad and most people don’t feel that way.”

“…And with that being said, don’t talk badly about my ex. Whether I initiated the divorce or not…I still loved that person enough to marry them. That means I will likely take your trash-talking as an extension of myself.”

Every Day After Divorce is Different

I feel like an important thing to talk about is the changing nature of life now. About how you are navigating uncharted land in your heart, mind, and life. You have some days when you need to be left alone to hurt. Then, some days you need to be surrounded by people you love. It’s different day-to-day. And, you don’t always know what you need until something feels “right” or “wrong”.

“I won’t pretend things are good. But, they’re not the worst. And, they weren’t actually good before, so this will surely be better eventually. The in-between time just feels really cavernous.”

“It changes on a dime. Days can be pretty okay, then you open a box with an old keepsake and it can ruin the whole day. Or, you open the mailbox to divorce papers (true story). Or, your kiddo asks “Do you love my daddy?” and you don’t know what to say to that.”

No. I’m not “okay”…but also, I’ll be fine.

“Tell me you’re taking me out to dinner. Don’t ask. Just tell me you’re picking me up on Saturday and taking me to dinner. Then just let me lead, maybe I’ll want to talk about it, maybe I won’t. Follow my lead. Several friends did this for me and it just felt really unconditionally supportive.”

Divorced, Dating, and Dealing With it All

“It’s not all about dating after divorce. Or, being a single mom to the kids. I’m building my new life. My new identity. Figuring out who I am now. Sometimes, that will be a single mom. Sometimes, that will be a wholly broken and imperfect human who needs to be totally separate from the role of “mom”. I was once told that I was good at not being a mom. Not in a bad way, but by compartmentalizing the roles clearly. That was actually one of the biggest compliments I could have gotten. Sounds weird, right? Here’s the thing: I know I’m a good mom. I have the proof in these precious little faces. But, I did NOT know that I was able to set that (massive) piece of me aside. To be a full human being on my own, outside of being a wife, mother, daughter, sister…all of those identities that have wholly defined my relationships in the past. Yes, they can still influence how I move through life. But, now I have to also be fully okay with being ME. Just me. And, that is scary.”

“When you get to a place where you understand that love and belonging, your worthiness, is a birthright and not something you have to earn, anything is possible.” — Brene Brown

“My past is messy and it’s unfinished. And, it will spill over into the future. I need to be able to embrace it, and so do you. Of course, I know you love me for who I am. But this reality feels like it could keep you from loving me fully. I can’t just cut and run. Even if I want to. It’s simply not possible. I also can’t hold on to the way things were. I’ve got to find a totally new way of being. One that makes sense for this new life. Even if we don’t know what that looks like yet.”

Begin Therapy for Divorced Women in Miramar, FL or Start Online Therapy in Florida

You, or your friend, could benefit from talking with someone about all of this. Whether you need individual relationship counseling or therapy for divorce recovery, this is the place to be. To begin therapy for women in Broward County in-person or for online therapy in Florida, follow these three steps:

1. Contact Counseling Solutions of Boward to schedule your free 20-minute consultation on a video platform,

2. Meet with Enid and get to know her! 

3. Live life with more security and confidence as a fully whole, beautiful human.