Boundary Basics

Here is the line. Now, hold the line. Finally, do not let anyone cross the line.

Easy, right?

Boundary Setting: Easy?

Sure. On the surface, boundary-setting, communication, and management sound like a simple, straightforward thing. However, some of us have been raised in a family or community system where boundaries were not clearly taught or held. Making demands. Disrespecting your “no”. Sometimes, boundaries were actually taught to us in a backward way.

The act of drawing boundaries is simply being clear about what is okay and what is not okay with you to the people in your life. Telling the truth about how you feel.

Setting Healthy Boundaries is Personal

Personal boundaries are invisible and unique to each person. You also have to establish these lines with actual words. Assumptions won’t build boundaries. “Unspoken expectations” won’t hold. You have the opportunity, actually, the responsibility, to set and communicate your personal boundaries. This isn’t for everyone else, though it does make it easier for them to understand and respect your boundaries if you communicate them. What I want you to consider first, is what will these boundaries do for you? How will setting these personal boundaries help your life? Make things clearer. More concrete. Less difficult to navigate.

You get to set your boundaries, in each realm

Physical Boundaries:

Consider your actual body, personal space, personal products.

Sexual Boundaries:

Jurisdiction over your individual sexual touch, how/when/by whom…intended to arouse or gratify their own sexual impulses without your expressed, clear consent would be a boundary violation 

Material Boundaries:

How do you relate to your stuff, and how may others access the things you own? (Lending money, car, taking shoes off inside the house, where is food allowed, etc.)

Mental Boundaries:

What do YOU think? Values. Opinions. Beliefs. You can listen to others and hear what they are saying, even if you disagree. Not taking it personally is key.

Emotional Boundaries:

You are responsible for your feelings. Other people are responsible for theirs. Everyone is NOT entitled to your opinion. Defensiveness, invalidation, intrusion…these are all immensely unhelpful.

What kind of boundary setting and management do you do?

Fluid/Malleable/Porous Boundary Style

You may often overshare personal info. Then, you say “yes” when you want to say no. Often, you overly invest in the problems of others (codependents!). Finally, many people with flexible boundaries will also put up with abusive behavior for far too long.

Healthy Boundaries:

You value your own thoughts and opinions, feel comfortable asking for and accepting help when needed. It’s clear when to share personal information. You can also then accept and respect the boundaries of others.

Rigid Boundary Management

You will not ask for help. Perhaps, you avoid closeness. Often seem detached, unreachable, and cold. This may be overly self-imposed, but the use of meaningful touchpoints can help you feel less isolated. A person with rigid boundaries may even say something like: ”I don’t do complicated emotions”.

Setting Healthy Boundaries Matters

Cultivating healthy personal boundaries is difficult for many of us. We can all do work on how we relate to others and how we relate to ourselves. Healthy boundaries can help us keep our personal dignity intact. Our relationships can be strengthened with healthy boundaries. And, we can better understand ourselves. Over the next month and a half, I’m going to keep discussing boundaries. Specifically, boundaries with your parents once you are an adult, sexual boundaries, and professional boundaries. Getting these in order will help you continue to live a more fulfilling and meaningful life.

Begin Codependency Treatment for Women in Miramar, FL or Start Online Therapy in Florida

If you are looking for a therapist who specializes in helping women, look no further. Enid is here to support your mental health journey. To begin therapy for women in Broward County in-person or for online therapy in Florida, follow these three steps:

1. Contact Counseling Solutions of Boward to schedule your free 20-minute consultation on a video platform,

2. Meet with Enid and get to know her! 

3. Live life with more balance and healthy boundaries!

Other Therapy Services Offered at Counseling Solutions of Broward